The Power of True Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a topic that, in my opinion, is widely misunderstood.
I believe true forgiveness is felt in the heart and soul and is free of conditions.
I believe true forgiveness is only possible when we can detach from whether we’ve been told sorry for what happened.
I believe true forgiveness happens when we accept reality as it is and choose to heal the wounds that were caused by others.
To truly forgive and free ourselves of the past, to me, also means that we forgive without waiting for something or someone outside of us to begin our healing process.
When we are waiting for a situation to change, an apology, or for someone to accept and own up to what they did, we give our power away.
It’s beautiful when someone gains a new level of awareness and owns up to what they did and apologizes. But what if that never happens?...
Will you just sit around, waiting, being angry and resentful?
I’m going to assume that’s not what you want…
That said, if you want to be free and at peace, I suggest you don’t wait for others to take responsibility for what they did before you forgive them.
By waiting, you give your power away to something that’s outside of your control — in this case, whether they choose to take responsibility or not.
What is in your control is to accept reality and the pain of what happened, whatever it is, and know in your heart that they did what they did without knowing any better.
Does that make what they did OK?... NO! It does not.
Forgiveness does not equal accepting or agreeing with someone's behaviors. That is the most common resistance people have to what I call true forgiveness.
If you can accept the reality of what’s happened (without needing to agree with it), give the person grace knowing they didn’t know better based on their level of awareness, and begin to move through the emotions of anger, hate, and resentment you’ve been holding on to (with professional support if needed), you will begin to experience more personal freedom.
Something that has also helped me on my journey to true forgiveness was to apply this process with myself.
I looked at many of the things I felt guilt and shame about and realized many of those things I did because I didn’t know any better. Now that I know better, I’d never do them again.
I chose to forgive and give myself grace knowing I did the best I could with what I knew and understood at that moment.
When we begin to forgive ourselves for what we’ve done in the past, it becomes easier to forgive others because we gain a deeper empathy, a deeper understanding for others' actions beyond the pain they may have caused.
If you desire to be and feel free, I encourage you to look at where you are still holding on to anger, resentment, guilt, shame, and hate towards yourself and/or others.
When we begin to forgive, heal, and let go, we begin to experience a new level of peace and compassion for ourselves and others.
Wishing you peace and freedom,
Jonathan
